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Vampire Therapist Review | TheXboxHub

March 22, 2026
in Xbox
Reading Time: 4 mins read
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If Phoenix Wright grew to become a Vampire and Modified Occupation

I undoubtedly judged Vampire Therapist by its title and opening 5 minutes. There’s one thing flippant about that title that made me assume this was going to be a jokey, throwaway visible novel. That wasn’t helped by the principle character being a vampire from the Outdated West, cowboy hat and all. “Nice”, I believed, “the characters are going to be caricatures as effectively”.

Ho boy, I used to be flawed. Vampire Therapist is about as distant from throwaway as a visible novel can get. It goes laborious on cognitive behavioural principle, and is about as lifelike as a therapy-based sport might get. The tone isn’t fully joke-free, however it’s critical about plunging two palms into the psyche and rummaging about, forming a powerful image of an individual and discovering a workable resolution for them. 

A cracking Visible Novel

Howdy There, Repressed Affected person

The cowboy we talked about is Sam, the principle character of Vampire Therapist. He’s a 200-and-something yr outdated vampire, and he’s searching for a job after ninety years within the wilderness. That leads him to Andromachus, a a lot older vampire who has arrange a non-public follow above a Eurotrashy nightclub. Andromachus recognises a pure pragmatism to Sam and makes him his apprentice. Within the area of some dialogue containers, you’re working as a therapist of vampires.

Sam being a cowboy does make sense within the context of the sport, and never simply because it’s a enjoyable accent for the voice actor. The vampires are of various ages and are available from totally different durations of time. They carry sensibilities of these durations, and their immortality completely elements into their psychological foibles. This isn’t only a remedy sim: it leans deftly into the vampire stuff.

There’s a structural spine to Vampire Therapist. A day begins with Andromachus, as you could have your individual remedy session. That is the place you inevitably get new ‘cognitive distortions’: the gameplay hooks of Vampire Therapist. There are as much as 13 of those, they usually run throughout the underside of your display screen. Once you discuss to sufferers or Andromachus, you may interrupt them and determine one thing they are saying as a distortion. Maybe a vampire is ‘Catastrophizing’, making each molehill right into a mountain, or they’re ‘Labelling’, summarising themselves a bit of too readily. 

After assembly with Andromachus, it’s time in your sufferers. You are likely to have 4 of those without delay, a rolling timetable of periods that permits you to get to know characters just like the Shakespearian actor Edmund Kean, or the matriarch Isabella d’Este. It’s testomony to the writing that none of those characters have straightforward options, and their arcs are much less arc-like, and extra an oscillation between glad and unhappy. One character particularly doesn’t even get a decision within the truest sense. 

Refreshingly Mature Writing

The writing is excellent. The idea has so many pitfalls surrounding it, but it surely dodges virtually all of them. Psychological well being isn’t trivialised, neither is the strategy preachy. Robust subjects are handled, however aren’t tone deaf or cloying. The same old mistranslations that we’ve grown accustomed to from visible novels will not be current. 

A story that attracts you in

If it has an Achilles’ Heel, it’s a bit of dry. I’d have liked for the remedy to be, I don’t know, 50% of the sport quite than the 80% it’s right here. There isn’t a lot room for Sam’s life and the peripheral characters he meets. It may possibly imply that you just’re at all times leaning in, activating ‘cognitive distortion’ mode, attempting to catch sufferers in a unfavorable trait, quite than shedding your self in a narrative. I needed extra leisure, in all honesty. 

And for a sport that’s so cautious about not placing a foot flawed, I discovered it a bit of odd that it was so unfastened by way of affected person confidentiality. Andromachus listens in on periods with out the affected person’s consent, and Sam’s a bit of unfastened along with his tongue when he’s out of the clinic. They’re all moderately straightforward to handwave in the event you think about that vampire tradition is totally different from ours.

What’s barely tougher to forgive is a few minigames. I don’t see why they have been included: maybe the builders checked out Ace Lawyer and thought they wanted extra than simply chinwagging. A bloodsucking minigame feels damaged for a lot of Vampire Therapist’s runtime: a random, jiggly chunk mark seems on somebody’s neck and you need to press a button when it’s on a vein. However it didn’t register accurately and we ended up failing after we thought we nailed it. A meditation minigame is barely higher, however so complicated about what it desires. 

To Fail or to not Fail, That’s the Query

Which brings us to the controversial side of Vampire Therapist: it’s not truly potential to fail at any level. Select an incorrect cognitive distortion and Andromachus will astrally intervene, prompting you to choose one thing else. Fail at a minigame and the characters will helpfully wait so that you can get it proper. Within the visible novel neighborhood this has been a little bit of a dialogue level.

In all honesty, I most popular it this fashion. The cognitive distortions might simply have been daunting. There are 13 of them, in any case, and anybody might have been viable in a given scenario. You additionally solely get to decide on 5 per session, so there’s a lot alternative for error. What if I didn’t convey the proper distortion at present? Making dialogue unfailable removes the worry. There have been instances once I thought Vampire Therapist’s distortions overlapped a bit of an excessive amount of – a affected person’s exaggeration might be one in all two or three – however the lack of a fail state signifies that it doesn’t matter, not likely. 

Minigames annoy

One of many Greatest Visible Novels

I haven’t even talked about the voice performing, which isn’t solely stellar – together with Matt Mercer – however complete. Each line is voiced, giving Vampire Therapist a lavish, top-drawer presentation. This isn’t the throwaway visible novel that I assumed it was. 

Vampire Therapist will not be a visible novel to unwind to. You don’t simply play as a therapist, you are feeling accountable for the characters. Each intervention, each cognitive distortion is rigorously chosen. I felt tenser taking part in Vampire Therapist than once I performed some current soulslikes. 

That pressure is testomony to the writing. It’s so good that you may want your individual 200-year outdated cowboy vampire therapist. We might must get in line.

Vital Hyperlinks

Assist Undead Shoppers Discover Interior Peace In Vampire Therapist On Xbox – https://www.thexboxhub.com/help-undead-clients-find-inner-peace-in-vampire-therapist-on-xbox/

Purchase from the Xbox Retailer – https://www.xbox.com/en-gb/video games/retailer/vampire-therapist/9phx2nf7bvcb



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